am I going about this the right way?

This life is sometimes so amazing & so frustrating all @ the same time. Many times I am so overwhelmed with things & wonder if i have a baby will i even be able to keep up with it all?
My illness is so consuming sometimes that I wonder if this is why the Lord has chosen to not bless me with a baby yet.

I do this sometimes & i wonder if we don't all do these sorts of things. I am so secure in my beliefs but i also find myself questioning His purpose & wonder if He's sure he knows what He's doing? Yet of course He does. There are the times situations arise & I cannot possibly see what God's plan from this can possibly be. On many things I still am not sure what good has come but in other situations I can feel his presence so surely that I'm awed by His workings.

I am mainly frustrated when I find myself playing a mind game with myself. Am i too mean to my husband sometimes? Did I push him to hard,did I do so many sins that God is punishing me? Do I believe this NO but sometimes Satan can have such a pull on your mind.

I will sometimes wonder what if It's not In God's plan for my life not to be a mother. The thought utterly devastates me but do I have enough faith in him that i would be the woman he needs me to be? Maybe right now he needs me to be consumed with Him only he wants to know He & He alone can suffice to take care of my needs .

I am so grateful to the Lord for the amazing life he has granted me so far. I have been to the bottom of the barrel more than once in my life but @ the same time I have people who genuinely
love me. My husband alone is an amazing gift most people can only wish for.

One of my favorite quotes is "why even pray to God when you're too busy coming up with your own answer that you miss the one God has in store for you"

I hope That baby is in my future but till then may i be a woman in love with her husband & be satisfied with that even when it hurts real bad!